1. write a novel. actually finish one instead of starting and stopping.
2. graduate college. april 30th, 2006.
3. figure out what exactly i want out of life and then get it. i'm going to be a librarian, i'm going to write on the side, i'm going to play in a community orchestra, i'm going to have babies.
4. bring down the walls that exist around me.
5. actually run up to someone if the middle of the street or whatever and poke them.
6. live in the middle of a city. i don't mean where i live now cause i live in the suburbs of chicago. i mean like downtown.
7. visit another country. specifically england.
8. meet everyone from online that i care about. and that means quite a lot of people.
9. stop having to keep so many secrets from people. well, the "secrets" i had aren't really secrets anymore.
10. make a difference in someone's life. a big difference. see tutoring.
11. be able to comprehend spanish. (this one? loong shot.) i guess not so long. lisa asked me to translate stuff the other day and i did it. making me very proud.
12. learn how not to cry in front of people. i think not crying in front of david when he said no covers this one.
13. and on that note? stop being so emotional. being emotional is not a bad thing. since i've accepted i am emotional and will never change -- we're good here.
14. have a lasting relationship with a guy that i love who loves me back.
15. get something published. a novel, a short story, poems, whatever. i want to see something of mine in print. the argus, and tributaries.
16. have a huge library with billions of books like in "beauty and the beast."
17. try and find a way to patch the hole in my family. i'd like to believe that my godparents actually care about me. this is getting to a fruitless fight and i'm figuring out more and more that i'm better than they are. and that i shouldn't care what they think.
18. find a job that i love that will support me. i am very happy with my plans to become a librarian.
19. stay involved in amanda and bree's lives.
20. enjoy life more often than not. i do. that's all i need to say.
21. talk/see/write a letter to joss whedon. i'd write more letters to people who have inspired me but most of them are deceased.
22. keep writing in a diary.
23. accept my weight. this doesn't even cross my mind anymore.
24. love myself completely, every part. right now? i do love my mind and such. i guess i'm just working on the body image stuff. i love me!
25. do something to help find a cure for cancer, in memory of grandma and of scruffy.
26. learn to drive ::grumble grumble::
27. swim with dolphins.
28. perform in carnegie hall with my violin. (looooooong shot.)
29. continue to invent crazy dances.
30. grow old with people i care about.
31. ignore the heater when it goes on. wee! i forgot it was on the other day, january 13th.
32. have a good night sleep without any worrying. it's happened, thank god.
33. make things be all right again.
34. record a cd of me.
35. see natural pretty wonders of the world. like...the redwoods and the northern lights and....::can't remember any more::
36. learn to stand up for myself. not physically cause i can already do that but verbally. most insults are shrugged off and sometimes i'd just really like to zing people.
37. not regret it when i do finally zing someone.
38. get over my fear of needles. just had another round of dental work without closing my eyes and digging my nails into my palm.
39. somehow leave something better behind. something legacy like. something i will be remembered for in a good way.
40. find alternate uses for pennies. thanks lisa. we will now throw pennies at marti noxon.
41. convince people that family is not always blood. i love mi nieta.
42. speak in public without freaking out. performing has always been fine, speaking on the other hand... being the president of sig tau, i learned how to speak publicly quick.
43. make my parents proud. my mom keeps telling me how proud she is of me for doing this whole college thing.
44. do something silly/cool/spiffy/i dunno what, for people to remember me by here. for christmas, we sang carols from the dishroom. i doubt that will be forgotten.
45. when i see people from high school, and i don't mean my friends, i wanna be able to realize how much better off i am cause i'm not like them. that? felt good.
46. read as much as i can.
47. eat with chopsticks. correctly. april 21, 2004.
48. be able to recite passages from novels and from buffy and lots of other places. i guess be knowledgable.
49. find something i love to do, volunteer wise, and continue to do it. here's to alpha phi omega.
50. restore my faith in people as a whole.
51. be able to tell certain people how mad i am at them and to be able to tell them fuck off and mean it.
52. break my habit of saying fuck in front of my mother.
53. learn how to apply eye make-up without screwing it up.
54. learn how to play the guitar.
55. go to a concert. august 8th, 2003. olp.
56. moonlight walk on the beach with someone i love.
57. visit an observatory during a meteor shower or solar flare or somefink cool like that. astronomy, fall 2005.
58. convert at least one other person to understand how awesome buffy was.
59. send out pen-pal letters as soon as possible and stop procrastinating.
60. aspire to be something, but be happy with whatever i become.
61. take a sledgehammer to a computer. april 21, 2004.
62. graduate from grad school.
63. find a community orchestra to play in.
64. see a broadway play every year.
65. meet adam pascal. april 11th, 2006.